She sometimes is afraid to ask for what she wants out of the fear that the person will say no. This is not an unusual fear. In fact, I learned recently that a young teen girl I know has the same fear. It can be paralyzing. It’s very important to be able to ask for what you want in life and to risk hearing no and not take it personally. So, when this fear flares up in her, I try to help her through it.
Today, I suggested that she take lunch over to one of our friends and ask him if he wants some. She took the bowl of food and headed off but quickly returned.
Me – “What are you doing? Why aren’t you taking it to him?”
Her – “What if he says no?”
Me – “Bellina, if he says no, what does that mean?”
Paused to let her think about it and then explained…
Me – “It just means he doesn’t want the food. It doesn’t mean anything about you, right?”
She agreed and gingerly headed off to his place. I overheard the conversation; his delight at seeing her and the gentle way he said he’d love the lunch.
A relieved, proud and happy girl bounced back into the kitchen. I was happy she built that courage muscle up a bit and and that our friend was going to eat. He wanted to lunch together, and that came out of asking. I’ll have to remind her of that tomorrow.